


Touchy-Feely Shit

by dubooty



Category: Hollyoaks
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, but both chapters have happy ends so dont fret yall, if it aint sad then whats the point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-16 08:33:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16082399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dubooty/pseuds/dubooty
Summary: Two drabbles about Harry and James comforting each other





	1. Worthless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO basically both of these chapters are not like in any time period close to each other like they're jsut. they both happen once Harry is broken up with Ste and is with James for REAL

              James woke. The light from outside told him it wasn’t yet time to wake up, but when he turned his head to where Harry had been when they had gone to sleep, he wasn’t there anymore. That no longer filled him with dread, no longer caused him to think Harry had left him, never to come back.

              He looked at the clock and saw it was three in the morning. Rubbing his eyes, he sat up and stood to go find Harry.

              “Harry?” he called as he exited the bedroom, shivering slightly at the chill in the air.

              “In here,” Harry called from the living room, and when James entered the room, he saw Harry sitting on the couch.

              “Can’t sleep?” James asked, sitting beside Harry. Without answering, Harry shifted uncomfortably, away from James. James stiffened instantly. “What’s wrong?” he asked, filling with dread.

              “Nothing,” Harry said shaking his head, wrapping arms around himself.

              “Obviously there is,” James scoffed, concern making him feel like his heart was in his throat.

              “Nothing you would need to hear about, then,” Harry said. He couldn’t meet James’s eyes, even though James tried his hardest to get Harry to look at him.

              “Harry,” James said, reaching a hand out to place it on Harry’s arm, but then stopping himself. Harry didn’t seem like he wanted to be touched. Whether that was not wanting to be touched in general or not wanting to be touched by _James_ isn’t clear. He swallowed his fear and kept talking. “Anything that’s bothering you bothers me. Being in a relationship means we can share each other’s burdens.”

              “That’s pretty touchy-feely of you, James,” Harry sneered.

              “Harry,” James said firmly, not letting Harry push him away. James did that to other people (including Harry) much too often for it to work on him. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

              Harry swallowed and looked over at James, not at his face, but at his body, seated next to his own. He uncrossed his arms and laid his hands in his lap, telling James with his body, “It’s okay to touch me.” James reached over, covered one of Harry’s hands with his own. Harry flipped his hand over to hold James’s hand fiercely.

              “Harry,” James whispered.

              “I don’t deserve you.”

              James swallowed. “You deserve better.”

              Harry met James’s eyes then, eyes shining brightly. James felt like he was physically struck, realizing Harry was close to tears. “No!” Harry said, suddenly loud in the dark living room. “You deserve better than me! I – The things I’ve done, the way I’ve treated you, it should make you sick! I don’t know how you can stand to touch me sometimes. I’ve let down everyone I’ve ever cared for.”

              James surged forward on the couch, embracing Harry fiercely. Harry’s breath sounded labored, like tears were threatening to spill any second. James felt close to tears as well. How could someone as special as Harry feel so bad about himself? It broke James’s heart. “Harry,” he said, trying to steady his own breath and not let his own emotions spill though. “If anyone else said that about you I would want to destroy them.”

              “James.” Harry shook his head and tried to push James away, but James hugged him tighter.

              “No!” James said, and his voice faltered slightly as he continued, and he couldn’t stop it, “It breaks my heart that you cannot see how special you are. You are such a beautiful person and so damn loyal and smart and the people in your life that have made you feel like you are anything less than amazing deserve to rot.”

              Harry was silent, the hands that had been trying to push James away now holding James to him.

              “I never thought I could ever feel this way for someone, Harry,” James said quietly, his voice full of emotion even to his own ears, but it didn’t matter. “I never thought I could love someone so much. But I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything in my life. I love you so much it hurts. I love you and your flaws, which do not make you disgusting or any less of a person. They make you who you are. Gorgeous, imperfect, remarkable Harry Thompson.”

              “James,” Harry sobbed, and clutched James to him like a lifeline, crying against him. James reached a hand up and stroked a hand though his hair.

              It takes time, them sitting there, Harry sobbing into James’s shoulder and James just holding him, rubbing his back and scratching lightly at his scalp, trying to calm the man he loves. They sit there, in the cold living room, letting Harry get all of his sadness out, and once Harry stops crying, he still sits there, holding James to him tightly.

              They got up finally when Harry yawned and James laughed softly, saying, “Let’s get you to bed.”

              They walked back to the bedroom, both with an arm around each other the whole time. As Harry pulled the covers back over himself, he yawned again, and then laughed. “I forget how tired crying makes you.”

              James pulled Harry close once he got under the covers too, and he made a noise of agreement.

              As James got close to sleep, he heard a sleepy sounding Harry say, “I love you, James. I hope you know that. You are worth love too.”

              James felt tears prickle at his eyes, and he pulled Harry closer to him still. How could he be so lucky?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me fucking live i rushed this before i went to sleep


	2. Scared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in this i kind of assume that like. Harry went back to uni once he was with James? Idk bitch dont ask me why

Coming home from university, Harry was excited. He liked it when he could sit at home working on homework or studying, while James did work next to him. It felt like a study date, the kind he had never really had a chance to have.

              He adjusted his books in his grip and smiled. Coming home to James was something that made him so happy. Coming home to Ste had been different. It never made him feel as content as it did with James. Coming home to James felt like more than just coming to the place where he was going to sleep. It was really _home,_ more than a physical place to share, but an emotional place as well. Harry laughed to himself, he couldn’t explain this feeling well, and James would tease him if he heard Harry try to, but Harry knows that James would feel the same way.

              Unlocking the front door, he let himself in, putting his books on the bar after he shut the door. “James?” he called, stripping off the jacket he had on. But there wasn’t any answer. Harry furrowed his eyebrows and walked to the bedroom. “James?” he called again, wondering if James had gone out, though he had said this morning he was going to be home all day.

               Before he could get his phone unlocked to call James, he heard water shift in the bathroom, and realized James was in the bathroom. Harry knocked on the bathroom door, and when there was no answer, he said, “James?” He wasn’t panicking, but he was nervous. Why wouldn’t James answer him? “I’m going to come in now,” Harry said, turning the doorknob and stepping into the bathroom, only to be hit with steam. The bathroom mirrors were steamed up, and the room was warm and thick with moisture. Harry left the door open to let the steam leave the bathroom as he stepped further.

              James was sat in the bathtub, head underwater, but knees bent and sticking out over the tub. Harry came over to the tub and looked down through the clear water to see James with his eyes closed, hair swaying softly underwater. Slowly, Harry moved to sit down next to the tub, resting one of his arms on the side of the tub so he could dip his hand in and touch James’s abdomen.

              James’s eyes opened instantly and he sat up, making the water slosh back and forth.  Harry removed his hand from James’s stomach and moved to rest his hand on the knee closest to him.

              “I was calling for you. You didn’t hear me?” Harry asked, smiling at his boyfriend, water dripping from his face, droplets sticking to his eyelashes.

              “My head was underwater,” James said, shrugging. He wiped his face, keeping his hands over his eyes. “How was uni?”

              “Fine,” Harry said, “Not too much work to do tonight.”

              “Mm,” James rubbed his eyes and nodded, “You should get started on it.”

              “I’ll wait for you to get out,” Harry said, stroking James’s leg with his hand. It was just affection, something they hadn’t really shown before he had broken up with Ste, when they were still having an affair. But this affection was something Harry had come to love just as much (if not more) than their moments of passion. These soft moments made him feel like everything in the world would be okay, as long as he and James were together.

              “No,” James said, and now Harry was starting to realize that something was off. James dropped his hands from in front of his eyes, and now Harry could see how red they looked.  “You get to work. I’ll be out in a bit.”

              “James, are you okay?” Harry asked, “Have you been crying?”

              “No,” James said, “I got soap in my eyes. I’m fine, you go do your work.”

              Harry stroked over James’s leg again, opening his mouth to push the issue again, but James cut him off, anger coming from out of nowhere.

              “Go do your work! This touchy-feely stuff is pathetic.” James reached forward and flung Harry’s hand off of his leg, flinging water across the bathroom and onto Harry, startling him.

              “James, I—”

              “Maybe I don’t want to deal with you right now. You’re annoying me. Get out.”

              Harry’s mouth dropped open incredulously. Where was this coming from? “James.”

              “What?” James shouted, surprising Harry again. “Do you have a problem that _I_ need to deal with? That you need to complain about so I can be the shoulder you cry on? Maybe I’m tired of it. Maybe I preferred it when feelings weren’t a part of our relationship.”

              James was trying to push him away, Harry knew. The things he was saying he didn’t mean, he was saying them out of an attempt to get Harry to leave him in his misery. Harry knew better than to let James push him away, but still, anger flared inside of him.

              “Feelings were _always_ a part of this!” Harry said, louder than he an intended, and James’s face, an attempt at being a perfectly emotionless mask, cracked some in shock, “Even when we were just fucking behind Ste’s back, we loved each other. And these _feelings_? They remind me that even though you’re acting like a total jerk, this is just you trying to push me away so you don’t have to open up to me. But that’s not going to work, James! I care about you too much, so just tell me what’s bothering you so we can work through it.”

              “You’re…” James began, and his voice wavered, even though he tried to keep it in check. “You’re pathetic. You know that right?” His eyes filled with tears, because he couldn’t even do this anymore, couldn’t even push Harry away.  “It’s pitiful, really. So sad that you think I care,” James said this, tears audible in his speech now, and once the tears began falling, he stopped trying to keep up the charade. “Harry,” he sobbed, covering his face, and then suddenly the water sloshed around him, out of the tub, and he felt arms pulling him in. Harry had gotten in the tub with him, fully clothed.

              Harry  gathered James to his chest, letting the man cry as much as he needed to. “You’re okay, James. I love you, you’re okay. I’m here, it’s okay to cry, I love you,” Harry whispered this like a mantra to him, and that seemed to make James cry even harder. He wasn’t worth this, James knew, and he was at once terrified and hopeful that Harry would one day realize that he deserved better than James.

              When the sobbing subsided into gentle crying, Harry cupped James’s face and made James look at him. “James, tell me what’s wrong.”

              “I just –” James began, then stopped, sniffed hard, then continued, “Mac.”

              “What about him?” Harry asked, “Did he hurt you? Did you see him again because if he lays a finger on you I’ll—”

              “No,” James said, shaking his head. “I—just knowing he’s back… getting stronger every day... I’m terrified. I feel like a little boy again. Helpless. But more than that… if he finds out about you… or if he already knows about you… He could come after you. Just to get at me. Just to hurt me.”

              Shaking his head, Harry said, “James, no,” but James interrupts again, shaking his head violently.

              “You don’t know him like I do,” James spits out, “You don’t know how evil he truly is.” He looks away from Harry, toward the bathroom door, but Harry knows he isn’t seeing anything. James is stuck in his head, thinking of the horrible things Mac had done. He looked back at Harry after a while, “Harry, if he hurts you… I’ll kill him. I’ll kill him and I wouldn’t care if I got caught.”

              “James, stop,” Harry said, holding James’s head in his hands. He stroked James’s cheeks with his thumbs, making James’s eyes close. “You’re making yourself crazy thinking like this.”

              “If we broke up, he wouldn’t want to come after you. It would be better if you left me,” James whispered, tears welling in his eyes once more.

              “Stop that now,” Harry said firmly. James looked up. “We’re better together. After everything we have been through to get together, I’m not giving you up, James Nightingale. You can’t make me leave you.”

              “It might be better, though,” James said.

              “It might be better, my ass,” Harry said, leaning forward to bring his lips to James’s. James kisses back instantly, desperately, needing to feel Harry against him. Harry pulled away, and James chased after his lips unconsciously. Harry smiled. “You are stuck with me, James. Your crazy, evil father won’t keep me away. I love you too much.”

              James looked at Harry, this man who he didn’t deserve, not even a little bit, who loved him so much, and who he loved even more. He leaned forward and embraced Harry suddenly, and Harry hugged him back just as hard. "I love you," James whispered, and then whispered it again and again and again. 

              James was still scared, yes, but at least he wasn’t scared and alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmu i dont have a hollyoaks blog but i keep up with all the jarry shit that goes on there so my tumblr is @headass1998

**Author's Note:**

> I've literally rushed my ass to complete this chapter and the next one before i go to bed and i have to wake up in like 6 hours and it takes me a few hours in bed to go to sleep so fuck me !


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